While boys learn that male sexuality is supposedly driven by their hormones, so men cannot be held responsible for their sexual actions or behaviour, girls still learn that they must walk a very narrow tightrope in order not only to earn male approval, but also ensure a man does not label her a ‘whore’, ‘slag’ or ‘slut’ if in his view she is too sexual.
 
Women are expected to be sexy but never, never sexual in their own right. So why, in the cases of so many teen girls today, are they insulted, by being called ‘frigid’ when they don’t want to ‘put out’ to a drunk boy with a bigger ego than anything else he has?
 
Everyone seems to understand that from around year 8 all the way up to 13, just kissing ‘too many’ guys can land a girl the title of ‘slut’, yet a guy would receive praise from the lads. Should a) anything more happen, she is instantly at risk of being branded by boys as well as other girls but if b) she refuses to do anything, it is commonly spread, particularly among boys, that she is ‘frigid’. What many people don’t know, is that a number of young men call girls frigid as a form of reverse psychology, so when the girl turns round and says 'no I'm not' she feels obliged to prove it.
 
But this peer pressure also comes from girls. When having a conversation with a friend, she told me what another girl had said to her: 'Are you just totally frigid, or unsure about your sexuality?’
 
The definition of frigid actually states that a frigid person is someone who physically cannot get aroused or excited sexually, rather than by choice. Most people seem to forget this when the term is casually thrown around. Most girls, in fact, are just not interested, which, at this age, is fine. Suggesting that a girl who shows traits of being ‘frigid’ is probably gay, is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard, and that comes from someone who’s listened to debates over whether monkeys or dogs would make better world leaders, in a common room.
 
Young women today, are subject to double standards. They can’t be sexual, but at the same time need to be sexual to avoid being criticised. It’s no wonder that social anxiety in girls from age 13-20 in the UK has risen 22% in the last 5 years alone, when society chucks such mixed messages their way.

What can be done?

Well for starters, men and women alike can wrap their heads around the very simple concept that sexual activity is down to the person. Whether it’s slut-shaming or frigid-flagging, I think that we can all agree that neither belong in a modern society in which everyone has the right to choose.

‘I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.’ -Jane Eyre (Charlotte Brontë)

Jane Eyre is arguably one of my favourite books ever, which is an impressive statement for a bookworm. I am rarely seen without a book, and as such, I get through a lot. I have read some very misogynistic books, and some hugely feminist ones. Some of these modern, some classics. But the message throughout all feminist books is the same. As it is expressed so aptly by Brontë: we are humans too.
​Ironically, all three of the Brontë sisters had to publish under male pseudonyms at first, as writing was deemed too bold a profession for respectable women. Luckily we have progressed from that point, and more and more independent women are writing modern literature.
In my opinion, ‘Am I Normal Yet?’ (Holly Bourne) is probably one of the best books for teens who want to learn about feminist issues, and while I am at it, I may as well recommend the rest of the series: ‘How Hard Can Love Be?’ and ‘What’s a girl gotta do?’. As it is so well stated in the first of the series:
‘Being a woman, in this world, ultimately makes you crazy.’
And it is true. If Evie doesn’t prove it, look at the rest of the world; look at all of the literature. Women are labelled as ‘crazy’ or ‘insane’ because they are supposedly ‘hysterical’ (which, by the way, has some interesting word origins!). From Bertha in Jane Eyre to the way that Emma O’Donovan is perceived in ‘Asking For It’ (Louise O’Neill), these people are seen as insane because they do not fit the stereotypical characteristics of a woman. More worryingly is how it reflects the real world. There are more Evies, Berthas and Emmas than we think, and we label them on dated social constructs. Literature and society may have come a long way, but both still have more to give. So what can we do about it?
Firstly, we can read. A lot. As Dr Suess has said: ‘The more you read, the more you will know. The more you know the more places you’ll go!’ Learn about the world. Learn about how to fight. Learn who is fighting. To get you started, here are my top 5 (after very careful deliberation!) feminist fiction books:

1. The Handmaids Tale (Margaret Atwood)
2. The Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath)
3. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Brontë)
4. Girl Detached (Manuela Salvi)
5. The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks (E. Lockhart)

Secondly, we can follow Evie’s example. If ‘Am I Normal Yet?’ taught me one big lesson, it is that we aren’t defined by words. So maybe Spinster has been reclaimed already in this heart-warming novel, but we can form spinster clubs of our own, reclaim old words. Be young, be independent. Be free!

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
- Maya Angelou (Still I’ll Rise)
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‘Casual jokes’ and ‘harmless banter’ are neither causal nor harmless. They’re incredibly damaging. And they’re short-changing all children. As adults, we must do better. Emma Johnson, aka supremo parenting and lifestyle blogger Country Munchkin, calls it out.

Just a couple of weeks ago, inspirational schoolgirl 15 year old Rae Madoc Jones started a change.org campaign to get three hours of feminism a year taught in schools after being increasingly concerned about insulting and misleading ideas amongst young people about what feminism means. “As a teenager, I am constantly exposed to the harsh reality of sexism, particularly on social media, and people who promote insulting ideas of what it really means to be a feminist,” she told this blog.

On her Change campaign page, she adds: “Recently, I've been noticing boys in my year at school sharing incredibly sexist posts on social media. Whenever me or my friends say, very politely, that we disagree, we are bombarded with people saying that 'they are not sexist' or 'they don't mean it' or 'it doesn't matter'.
But clearly it does matter. Recent news about a planned investigation into sexual violence and harassment in schools makes uncomfortable reading. Over 5,500 cases of sexual harassment were reported to police in a three year period. 5,500. That’s about five cases a day. And this includes some 600 rapes. 600 rapes. At school.  

“Lad culture is a big issue,” said one participant in the Women and Equalities Committee study which lead to the investigation. “In my school, lads would come up to girls and grab them, try and push them into the changing rooms and then say ‘don’t get upset, it’s just banter.” Other pupils who took part in the research talked of a culture where boys had a sense of “entitlement” to girls, and that they and their friends were pressured to have sex or face being “bullied for being a virgin”.

This is so very sad. And so very worrying. Of course children play, and fool around and say things they don’t mean. But not always. Casual comments in the playground can turn into a truth universally acknowledged. This recent video from Norway entitled ‘Dear Daddy’ is an incredibly powerful demonstration of how those jokes and remarks that have become part of ours and our children’s dialogue are a very serious issue.

In it a young girl appeals to her father to protect her from what she says is the most dangerous thing in the world – being born a girl in a culture where the everyday language used to describe her is still sexist, and often abusive. But most importantly – when it’s called out – it’s put down to being harmless banter. “By the time I’m fourteen, the boys in my class will have called me a whore. A bitch. A c*nt. And many other things. But it’s just for fun of course. Something boys do. So you won’t worry,” she says. “Perhaps you did the same when you were young. Trying to impress some of the other boys. I’m sure you didn’t mean anything by it. Still, some of the people won’t get the joke.”

Just like when we tell girls that boys are mean to them because they like them, telling girls that sexist jokes are just something boys do is short-changing all children. Girls need to know that boys can be respectful and loving, kind and compassionate. They need to expect more from their men than inane jokes and bullying. And in turn, boys need to know that they are credited with more than just being dumb asses who make stupid jokes. By telling boys ‘they are just being boys’, you’re telling them their words don’t have the power to influence things.

That what they say doesn’t matter.

The problem is, that we were raised this way. We were told that it was ok for boys to bully us. That their rude jokes and their nasty phrases that made us feel uncomfortable or ashamed were harmless. We were told not to be so sensitive when boys poked fun at our bodies or called us names. So it became the norm. Just part of growing up. And so now, even when we think we’re not, we’re letting language like this go by without calling it out. Without realising what we’re saying.

The future is theirs, but the problem is ours.

So we have to stop explaining away language that is offensive or abusive as ‘banter’. We have to stop laughing along at sexist jokes – even if they’re supposed to be very, very funny. Which usually, they are not. And we have to start believing in our children. Believing that they are capable of more than puerile jokes and ignorant conversation. Believing that the best a boy can do to show a girl he likes her, is not to chase her and pull her hair, but to listen to what she has to say, and to treat her kindly.

​So, adults and parents everywhere, call yourselves out. Look at the language you use and ask how it could be changed. Fathers of daughters, raise up your girls up to know that these things aren’t ok. And mothers of sons, raise your boys up to know that too. Sign this petition. Watch the video. Read this report. Tells us more. And, if you can, talk to your children about why you’re doing it so they understand too.  It started with us, but it ends with them.

Emma Johnson is a freelance editor and journalist. When not writing about heritage brands or luxury travel, she blogs about her experiences of moving from London back to her childhood home in the Cotswolds, and raising her baby in the back of beyond. 
Check her Blog: countrymunchkin.com
Like her Facebook: facebook.com/thecountrymunchkin
Tweet her up: @C0untryMunchkin

Last week, 15 year old Rae Madoc Jones started a petition with the modest ambition of getting Nicky Morgan MP to consider adding 3 hours a year to the curriculum to teach young people about feminism. That petition already has more than 16,500 signatories. Here, the brilliant and articulate Rae talks about what drove her to take action and what she hopes to achieve. 

In the 21st century, feminism and gender equality are still needed as much as they were at any other time.  As a teenager, I am constantly exposed to the harsh reality of sexism, particularly on social media, and people who promote insulting ideas of what it really means to be a feminist. I constantly hear things like ‘we don’t need feminism,’ ‘it’s not a big deal,’ ‘people who are feminists just want attention.’ It is the same situation with many people’s opinion on gender equality: ‘we already have it,’ ‘it’s not important,’ ‘it’s a woman’s fault if she is inferior.’ Worst of all is the perennial disadvantage placed upon women, not only in social media – where I have seen numerous posts stating that the worst decision ever made was teaching women how to speak, which had a disquieting number of likes – but also in everyday scenarios, with things like the gender pay gap and the (although thankfully decreasing) objectification of girls and women as sex objects.
 
After seeing some of the people I know, who are 14/15 years old, share posts twisting statistics and blaming the gender pay gap on women being unintelligent, and then having my friends and I told that we were the ones being outrageous because we spoke out against these posts, I decided that something needed to change.
 
After contemplating different solutions, I came to the conclusion that ultimately only education could solve this. I then started a petition on change.org campaigning for 3 hours of education on modern feminism annually, which has, amazingly, now reached over 16,000 signatures. Based on the already overcrowded curriculum and the amount of extra-curricula learning on things like sex education, I feel having 3 hours of this annually is very reasonable and realistic. For me, modern feminism is anything from 1940 and onwards, which is (in the opinion of someone who has been in the education system at a state school for 11 years) something pupils are taught nothing about.
 
Students should be educated in secondary schools on the amazing progress and activism of feminism – things that people currently only learn about if they do their own research. Amazing people and events are not taught to pupils: the removal of the tampon tax by Laura Coryton; getting a woman other than the Queen on bank notes by Caroline Criado-Perez; Betty Friedan, who spent her life campaigning for women’s equality; Gloria Steinem, who led women’s liberation movements in the 1960s-70s; Malala Yousefzai, with her continued courage and advocating education for all; Male Feminists and their amazing blog; and much, much more. It is people like these who can inspire children, teach them that sexism is wrong, that we still need feminism and that it is not the twisted, misunderstood version of it that is so often presented to people in the media. Yes, pupils are briefly told about gender equality in very minor areas of the curriculum throughout their school career. However, at no point are students formally taught that sexism is wrong, and at absolutely no point are students taught anything about modern feminism.

We should be teaching students not to judge anyone on anything other than their merits and skills, rather than things like gender, race or sexuality. I strongly believe that, if implemented, pupils would learn that they have the power to make change happen, as well as discovering new role models. The lessons would revolve around correcting misunderstanding and opening pupils’ eyes to the world of modern feminism.

I am so grateful for all the support I have received, and I am determined to make this petition a success.  Please head on over to change.org to sign my petition and take us all one step closer towards equality.
Thank you.

Five years ago there was a study into the gender of characters in children’s books between 1900 and 2000.  It turned out central characters were 1.6 times more likely to be male, and twice as likely to feature in the title. Female animals got an even more raw deal; male animals are central characters in 23% of books per year.  Female animals took centre stage in only 7.5%.

Ok firstly, this sounds like a pretty awesome study to be a part of.  If I could get paid to read Beatrix Potter every day for a week, that’d be great.  Secondly, if I was Jemima Puddleduck at this moment, I’d be pretty hacked off.  (Quacked off?)

I was a massive reader as a kid.  Every summer there was a library reading drive where you could write your reviews on a leaf, fish, star or butterfly and you got a certificate if you read six.  If they’d have given me a certificate for every six books I read, I could have covered my whole bedroom door.  I thought they were going to kick me out for unfair usage.

It’s only looking back I realise the massive gender bias I was subject to.  Every fairy tale female was in search of a prince.  Mummy was home cooking while Daddy went to work.  Enid Blyton had Janet, Barbara and Pam covering for the boys as they had adventures that were just too dangerous for girls.  The Babysitter’s Club only had one teenage boy in it (although he was only an associate member, because it was all a bit awkward having him at the meetings if they happened to use the word bra.)

More recently, things may have moved on a bit but there are still a lot of female sidekicks, and some well-intentioned attempts at getting young girls interested in STEM careers have been soaked in sexism – take a bow Barbie...

“I’m designing a game that shows kids how computers work … You can make a robot puppy do cute tricks by matching up coloured blocks!” Good show crashing that glass ceiling down, but Barbie goes on to admit: “I’m only creating the design ideas … I’ll need Steven and Brian’s help to turn it into a real game!”   Then Barbie crashes the computer - Steven and Brian have to fix it.  Silly Barbie, step aside, let the boys do the tough stuff, thank god they were here, pillow-fight instead anyone? 

I’m not saying let’s make every mummy and daddy working parents with a mix of childcare and after school club, because it would make Peppa Pig a rough read.  I’m not saying we make Hermione head of the Quidditch team even if she doesn’t play, in the interests of positive discrimination.  We needn’t emasculate Thomas the Tank Engine by insisting Annie and Clarabel try to pull him despite having no engine of their own.

Just how about a little more thought from authors and publishers on how their characters fit into stereotypes?  The author of Barbie the Computer Engineer herself admitted it was unconscious.  “If I was on deadline, it’s possible stuff slipped out…”  We’re all victims to the status quo a little bit; it’s a matter of pushing back.
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I’d like to take this opportunity to apologise on my own failings, because as I finish writing this I’m reminded of a book I wrote for my godson when he was five:  ‘Samuel Snail’s walk in the rain,’ with only one female animal character.  I guess I’m one of those that need to have a word with themselves, and this weekend Lois Ladybird is getting her own anthology.     
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